IT’S WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

Geologists Find Tectonic Fault that Could Move North America Toward Europe, EURO Deadbeats headed our way!

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology prides itself for its calm, understated reporting of items of interest in the underfunded world of geology, but this may mean the end of intelligent life on the North American continent.


While climatologist squandered their lavish government supplied funds, getting liquored up and carrying on like an IRS agent at a GAO conference, America slumbered, unaware  a cataclysmic catastrophe that lurked on our very doorstep.

 A global warming conference in Finland!

Thank God an underfunded, unknown, yet courageous, Australian geologist from Portugal uncovered the looming disaster that threatens our very existence.

Geologist hard at work, interested only in doing science that will benefit you!

Dr. João Duarte, of Monash University School of Geosciences in Melbourne, believes North America will be pulled closer to Europe's Iberian Peninsula because of a massive earthquake that hit Lisbon in 1755. He believes a giant subduction zone is about to open up and suck the Atlantic Ocean under vast tectonic plates, slamming the teeming shores of Portugal into the pristine beaches of Miami and Dade Counties, Florida.

Don't look now, but its coming our way!

Dr. Duarte fled his unstable homeland for the relative calm of Australia despite  its infestation of cassowaries, kanga roo muggings and its impending destruction.

 Deranged fauna desperately trying to escape Australia, continent of danger!

Seconds after this photo was taken, the girl was gutted like a catfish! Only quick thinking by a visiting geologist saved her life when he brained the feathered nightmare with a block of metamorphic schist.

Here’s what we have to look forward to:

 On a bad day.

 On a worse day.

 Prince Henry the Navigator, the best we can hope for.

 Gay head gear.

 A really bad day.

Seriously?

It can happen here! Send money, lots of money, only professional geologist can prevent premature europeanisation through tectonic displacement, I'd explain what that means, but it would take too long and we're scientists, so we have more important things to do...



The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology.