The World is Doomed, you Ignorant
Drones.
While climatologist shill for money
that should rightly go to geologist by running “The Day after Tomorrow” on
basic cable everyday.
What is more likely?
Weeeee! Its like a new ice age,
twelve thousand years of skiing and winter sports.
Or, alternatively, some moderate
global warming:
Americans bankrupted by the need to
buy more umbrellas to take to the beach as they enjoy more sunny days.
Meanwhile geologic catastrophes await...
Its all fun and games until a
certain island continent that shall remain nameless, but its initials are
Australia, rams its tectonic plate into your continent's tectonic plate and
unloads a lot of man killing flightless birds on unsuspecting beach goers.
While frivolous climatologists
fritter away scarce resources:
A meteorology conference in Dubai.
Geologist are wondering what to do
when that caldera under Yellowstone goes up and sends the population of the USA
on a one way tour of the Ionosphere.
Look upon these wonders and despair!
Again, here’s what climatologist are
worried about:
More sun screen
Here’s what Geologists worry about:
Is it the last days of Pompeii or
the future for Yourtown USA?
Geologist contemplating a volcanic
emergency. Sadly they were too late to avert the cataclysm.
We at, The Journal of Terrifying
Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming
did for climatology, know what to do. The President has to declare that ending
catastrophic geologic events is the moral equivalent of war, set up a Federal
Department of Geology to set geologic policy and hire a lot of otherwise
unemployable people to enforce their will.
These highly trained, heavily armed
individuals would carry out the thankless duty of ensuring that everyone pays
attention to geology. It will take a generous salary, health insurance,
guaranteed seniority, lay-off protection and pension benefits to recruit the
sort of person America needs to do this dirty job, but I’m sure they could find
reluctantly willing, patriotic citizens among Blog writers and their friends.
The time for action is now, tectonic plates are shifting, the science is
settled.
You think I’m being alarmist, ask
anyone who was around when Pangaea broke up! Ask them what it was like! Oh wait
you can’t, because they’re all dead, as any geologist could tell you.
There is still time to prevent the end of the world! Hurry and grovel at the feet of the nearest geologist and do what he says, gladly, without question and immediately, for the sake of your very existence.
Leave your wallet.
There is still time to prevent the end of the world! Hurry and grovel at the feet of the nearest geologist and do what he says, gladly, without question and immediately, for the sake of your very existence.
Leave your wallet.
“Oh,” you say. “Shouldn’t we study
the problem some more before we spend every cent we have on the admittedly
useful science of Geology?”
Unconcerned Pompeians
Concerned Pompeian. His last
thought: "I wish mankind had progressed enough to invent the discipline of
geology when I was alive so I could have asked a geologist if that giant
smoking mountain in my backyard was anything to be worried about."
You’re all worthless and weak! Drop
and give me twenty! Here’s what your ancestors dealt with:
Beach goers during the Jurassic age!
Being attacked by giant flying
lizards while lying on a rock, which is what you did at the beach before rocks eroded into sand!
Is this what you want you and your
children to experience:
Dinosaurs on the back nine? Too bad,
no mulligans for anyone that ignores a geologist! Cancel the Masters, if Tiger
wants a new green jacket have his girlfriend buy him one.
The Journal of Terrifying
Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming
did for climatology asks do you want to live in a world of explosive volcanoes and 700
degree pyroclastic flows engulfing you and your stuff?
You have a choice this guy didn't:
.His dog, caught in a similar situation:
A citizen of Pompeii, frozen for eternity, enjoying some personal "me" time before being engulfed by 700 degree volcanic ash. |
Geology, it can kill you!
The Journal of Terrifying
Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming
did for climatology
No comments:
Post a Comment