A word about scooters...

FAQ: why is every article tagged scooters?

Some of you may be reading this expecting to see an article about scooters, welcome. I’ve been told crowds of scooter enthusiasts, all innocent dupes of the climatologist conspiracy, have surrounded The Institute of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities in Fargo, Rhode Island, (pronounced Wallenpaupack, Rhode Island by the way)threatening to burn it down unless we halt the practice.

Geologist and scooter enthusiasts have many common interests and if you believe, as we do, that large flightless birds, especially cassowaries, need to be suppressed, you will be patient.

Indigenous peoples fleeing cassowaries on improvised scooters

Many geologists are scooter users:

Overworked and underpaid, an elderly geologist goes about his research which may save you and everything you love from utter destruction!

The guy who had this site before me was obsessed with scooters, and he's holding a gun to our head. That's right, he’s locked himself in the bathroom with a gun and won’t come out. He has a gun even though The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology is a gun free zone, so we called the police. They put us on hold and my assistant went mad listening to an endless loop of Jingle Cats Hits.

 A violation of all the laws of God and Man!

At any rate, he says he will damage one piece of plumbing a day until we publish something about scooters. A police inanimate-hostage negotiator is talking to him now. We believe he’s been manipulated by Big Climate into doing this, to silence The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology. Either that or he’s frickin nuts, or, more likely, was driven insane by the lack of financial support for hard working geologists in the face of dire, impending geologic catastrophes.

 If you see an article about scooters you’ll know the crisis was resolved. We are hoping this will do the trick:

 Meanwhile, there’s a report of a suture in the North American Craton and we are desperately short of the money needed to deploy geologist to investigate whether we should evacuate the continent or just kill ourselves and loved ones: more on this as the story develops.

Be afraid, be very afraid. This could happen to you!

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology.