RUN FOR YOUR LIVES A VOLCANO MIGHT EXPLODE ANY SECOND AND IF YOU DON'T START RUNNING NOW IT WILL BE TOO LATE!!!!!! PLUS THERE MAY BE SOME UNEXPECTED OROGENY LATER SO BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THAT TOO!!!!!

FINALLY, SOME RECOGNITION FOR ALL THE HARD WORK WE DO AND ALL THE LONG HOURS WE PUT IN. NOT THAT IT MATTERS TO YOU, YOU URINE DRINKING PILE OF CASSOWARY DROPPINGS!

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology is proud to announce it received an honorable mention for the Nobel Prize for Blogs that Update Infrequently.  This prestigious award is announced whenever the Nobel nominating committee has nothing to do which works out to about once every fortnight. We want to congratulate the winner and runner-up  It's All the Jews Fault...  and The Current Time is...  The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology was tied for third  with 650 other blogs. 

Ever wonder if that mountain looming over your backyard might be a volcano? If you aren't a geologist, or at least a scientist, how could you possibly know? You're too stupid and uneducated to possibly  figure it out which is why the government desperately needs to employ many more geologist. As a public service we at The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology have compiled a list of handy tips for laymen and women worried that a volcano might be lurking in the vicinity.

1) Look around, are there any pointy looking mountains nearby?

2) Is there a giant cloud of smoke and ash erupting from the pointy mountain and rising into the stratosphere until the column can no longer be supported by the pressure emitting from the cone and the top of the column spreads horizontally so that the whole thing takes on the familiar mushroom cloud shape?

3) Have any towns in the area been buried under a layer of ash?

4) When you reached for that bar of lava in the shower this morning, did it burn your hand off?

5) Has everyone else in the neighborhood, including cassowaries, fled in terror?

6) Has your car ever been crushed by a three ton lava bomb?

7) Have any public events in your area  had to be canceled because an 800 degree pyroclastic event barreled down the mountain at two hundred miles an hour and engulfed them?

8) Is there a river of molten rock flowing down your street?

9) Did a shield eruption of continental scale suddenly release enormous quantities of liquid basalt and exterminate 90% of all life on earth?

10) You don't know what a Lahar is but are terrified of it any way?

If  any three of these have happened to you its too late and you, your family and everything you love is doomed. If only one has occurred, forget about it, another two will be along shortly. If none of these have happened write your congressman, president and the Secretary of the Interior and demand that an adequate number of geologist be hired to keep track of these magmatic terrors!!!


The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology