The very ground you stand on may soon open up and suck you into a boiling caldron of molten rock

MY GOD PEOPLE, THE CONTINENTS ARE COLLIDING , TECTONIC PLATES ARE SPREADING, MAGMA IS SPREADING ACROSS THE SEA FLOOR THANKS TO GREAT SHEET ERUPTIONS AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT ON YOUR ASSES AND WHINE!!!

We, at The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology, don’t have anything to say really, but remember this headline when you’re begging a geologist to do something about the lava in your pool.

No, not this lava

 

Or this

This kind of lava!!!!!

Fun fact: The average temperature on Venus is 884 degrees, basaltic magma, 1500 degrees. I'm not sure whether that's Centigrade or Fahrenheit, I'm a scientist, so I can't be bothered.

Basalt, the kind of magma that poured out of the Siberian Traps!!!

Actual photo taken by a geologist moments before the Siberian trap eruption exterminated 90% of life on the planet!!!!!

While you're wasting money trying to save dingos, cassowaries and other natural pests, the very planet is getting ready to turn you and your family into charcoal briquettes.  While environmentalists and climatologists suck up all the money saving glaciers and whales geologist have to justify their important work they're doing in Italy, Southern France, Hawaii and other sites of terrifying geologic catastrophes.

Unfunded geologist inspecting this, in Svalbard, caldron of doom...

 

A possible volcanic disaster involving lava, pyroclastic events and the end of arabic numerals as we know them!!!

Or this!!!!!

Meanwhile climatologist and environmentalist fritter away their time destroying the whale skin wallet and shoe wear industry encouraging the spread of cassowaries, the only species on earth immune to magma.

Lazy environmentalist and climatologist plotting ways to squander more of geologist's funding on the beach in Hawaii!!!!!

One of these babies could supply mankind with over ten thousand wallets. A fleet of Norwegian whalers could ensure that Mankind never has to go with out whale skin wallets ever again!!!! OR WHALE SKIN FOOTWEAR!!!! And end the crushing poverty being experienced by hard working unemployed Norwegian whalers and cobblers!!!!!!!!!!

A benighted environmentalist escorting this potential man killer from the ocean where it had possibly tried to drown itself out of the shame it felt for slaughtering so many innocent people!!!!!!!

A road sign in cassowary infested Australia advising motorist that only adequate highway speeds will kill cassowaries and their soul destroying ilk!!!!!

The choice is yours, a world less habitable than Venus overrun with man killing useless fauna or a land where well funded geologist keep these environmentalist and climatologist driven cataclysms at bay. Send money, the rent is due and the fate of the world is at stake!!!!!

A geologist demolishing a climatologists arguments at the UN Conference on Environmental Issues, Climate Change, Global Warming and Geology during the cage match/final elimination round in Helsinki

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology.