A FIERY DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL!!!!!

The World is Doomed, you Ignorant Drones.

While climatologist shill for money that should rightly go to geologist by running “The Day after Tomorrow” on basic cable everyday.

Alarmist claptrap from the the climatology cadres!!!!

What is more likely?

Weeeee! Its like a new ice age, twelve thousand years of skiing and winter sports.

Or, alternatively, some moderate global warming:

Americans bankrupted by the need to buy more umbrellas to take to the beach as they enjoy more sunny days.

Meanwhile geologic catastrophes await...

Its all fun and games until a certain island continent that shall remain nameless, but its initials are Australia, rams its tectonic plate into your continent's tectonic plate and unloads a lot of man killing flightless birds on unsuspecting beach goers.

While frivolous climatologists fritter away scarce resources:

A meteorology conference in Dubai.

Geologist are wondering what to do when that caldera under Yellowstone goes up and sends the population of the USA on a one way tour of the Ionosphere.

Look upon these wonders and despair!

Again, here’s what climatologist are worried about:

More sun screen

Here’s what Geologists worry about:

Is it the last days of Pompeii or the future for Yourtown USA?

Geologist contemplating a volcanic emergency. Sadly they were too late to avert the cataclysm.

We at, The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology, know what to do. The President has to declare that ending catastrophic geologic events is the moral equivalent of war, set up a Federal Department of Geology to set geologic policy and hire a lot of otherwise unemployable people to enforce their will.

These highly trained, heavily armed individuals would carry out the thankless duty of ensuring that everyone pays attention to geology. It will take a generous salary, health insurance, guaranteed seniority, lay-off protection and pension benefits to recruit the sort of person America needs to do this dirty job, but I’m sure they could find reluctantly willing, patriotic citizens among Blog writers and their friends. The time for action is now, tectonic plates are shifting, the science is settled.

You think I’m being alarmist, ask anyone who was around when Pangaea broke up! Ask them what it was like! Oh wait you can’t, because they’re all dead, as any geologist could tell you. 

There is still time to prevent the end of the world! Hurry and grovel at the feet of the nearest geologist and do what he says, gladly, without question and immediately, for the sake of your very existence. 

Leave your wallet.

“Oh,” you say. “Shouldn’t we study the problem some more before we spend every cent we have on the admittedly useful science of Geology?”

Unconcerned Pompeians

Concerned Pompeian. His last thought: "I wish mankind had progressed enough to invent the discipline of geology when I was alive so I could have asked a geologist if that giant smoking mountain in my backyard was anything to be worried about."

You’re all worthless and weak! Drop and give me twenty! Here’s what your ancestors dealt with:

Beach goers during the Jurassic age!

Being attacked by giant flying lizards while lying on a rock, which is what you did at the beach before rocks eroded into sand!

Is this what you want you and your children to experience:

Dinosaurs on the back nine? Too bad, no mulligans for anyone that ignores a geologist! Cancel the Masters, if Tiger wants a new green jacket have his girlfriend buy him one.

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology asks do you want to live in a world of explosive volcanoes and 700 degree pyroclastic flows engulfing you and your stuff?

You have a choice this guy didn't:

A citizen of Pompeii, frozen for eternity, enjoying some personal "me" time before being engulfed by 700 degree volcanic ash.

.His dog, caught in a similar situation:

Geology, it can kill you!

 The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology

A word about scooters...

FAQ: why is every article tagged scooters?

Some of you may be reading this expecting to see an article about scooters, welcome. I’ve been told crowds of scooter enthusiasts, all innocent dupes of the climatologist conspiracy, have surrounded The Institute of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities in Fargo, Rhode Island, (pronounced Wallenpaupack, Rhode Island by the way)threatening to burn it down unless we halt the practice.

Geologist and scooter enthusiasts have many common interests and if you believe, as we do, that large flightless birds, especially cassowaries, need to be suppressed, you will be patient.

Indigenous peoples fleeing cassowaries on improvised scooters

Many geologists are scooter users:

Overworked and underpaid, an elderly geologist goes about his research which may save you and everything you love from utter destruction!

The guy who had this site before me was obsessed with scooters, and he's holding a gun to our head. That's right, he’s locked himself in the bathroom with a gun and won’t come out. He has a gun even though The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology is a gun free zone, so we called the police. They put us on hold and my assistant went mad listening to an endless loop of Jingle Cats Hits.

 A violation of all the laws of God and Man!

At any rate, he says he will damage one piece of plumbing a day until we publish something about scooters. A police inanimate-hostage negotiator is talking to him now. We believe he’s been manipulated by Big Climate into doing this, to silence The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology. Either that or he’s frickin nuts, or, more likely, was driven insane by the lack of financial support for hard working geologists in the face of dire, impending geologic catastrophes.

 If you see an article about scooters you’ll know the crisis was resolved. We are hoping this will do the trick:

 Meanwhile, there’s a report of a suture in the North American Craton and we are desperately short of the money needed to deploy geologist to investigate whether we should evacuate the continent or just kill ourselves and loved ones: more on this as the story develops.

Be afraid, be very afraid. This could happen to you!

The Journal of Terrifying Geologic Possibilities: the publication doing for geology what global warming did for climatology.